Saturday, February 9, 2008

Misquoting Pogo

It may go without saying for most people, but one cannot be in the attitude of confession until one is conscious that he has sinned.

Somehow, I have missed this point over the years. This is not to suggest that I have been void of apologies, but they are always apologies for not being good enough, like a juggler who keeps 15 balls in the air until he lamentably drops one. I would be genuinely sorry about dropping that ball, especially if it was a particularly important one whose loss was irrecoverable, but for crying out loud I was juggling fifteen! I did a pretty damn good job it; I was just not quite good enough.

Among the most valuable gifts of 2007 was an experience of being genuinely humbled, to realize that I had been genuinely bad, not just not good enough. After years of searching for an illusive enemy that kept fowling up my interactions with the world around me, I learned that the enemy had been me all along.

The shocking part of that realization was that it was a relief. I went from being a superhero who was called to save the world to a frail sinner whom Christ had come to save. If Christ is the redeemer he claims to be, the position of the sinner is not a bad place to be.

To misquote Pogo, I have met the enemy and it is me.

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