Misquoting Pogo

It may go without saying for most people, but one cannot be in the attitude of confession until one is conscious that he has sinned.

Somehow, I have missed this point over the years. This is not to suggest that I have been void of apologies, but they are always apologies for not being good enough, like a juggler who keeps 15 balls in the air until he lamentably drops one. I would be genuinely sorry about dropping that ball, especially if it was a particularly important one whose loss was irrecoverable, but for crying out loud I was juggling fifteen! I did a pretty damn good job it; I was just not quite good enough.

Among the most valuable gifts of 2007 was an experience of being genuinely humbled, to realize that I had been genuinely bad, not just not good enough. After years of searching for an illusive enemy that kept fowling up my interactions with the world around me, I learned that the enemy had been me all along.

The shocking part of that realization was that it was a relief. I went from being a superhero who was called to save the world to a frail sinner whom Christ had come to save. If Christ is the redeemer he claims to be, the position of the sinner is not a bad place to be.

To misquote Pogo, I have met the enemy and it is me.